Wannabe Guru: “There’s no such thing as free content.”
Literature Major: “Content’s a tale / Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, / Signifying nothing.”
Arts Major: “Content Is in the Eye of the Beholder.”
Entertainer: “There’s no content / like show content / like no content I know.”
Journalist: “Content is my job and I deserve to be paid for what I make, the exact same way that a baker is paid for selling bread. What other people called ‘content’ isn’t really content since it hasn’t been vetted by professionals like my editor. So my role is to create content so that my editor can distribute it through exclusive channels. Other people’s content becomes my content when I secure the rights to it through the use of a clearance service. Comments by people I interview only become content after they sign a release. Everything else is noise.”
Economist: “There are four ways to get paid for content: a) subscription; b) advertising; c) private or public sponsorship; d) sale on media. Since advertising and sponsorship are two aspects of the same model and since consumers epend money on either subscription or media sales, there are two basic models.”
Functionalist (Sociology): “Content serves different goals, both manifest and latent.”
Conflict-Theorist (Sociology): “Providing free content is a way for the ruling class to make the audience into a commodity.”
Interactionist (Sociology): “Content provides meaning to social selves.”
Moralist: “Content Yourself.”
Buddhist: “Content breeds contentment.”
Christian: “Content begat content.”
Geek: “Content Wants to be Free.”
Judge: “Our mission is to balance the rights of content creators with those of content consumers.”
Cop: “There are three forms of content: content that is appropriate for everyone, content which is only appropriate to certain people, and content which isn’t appropriate for anyone.”
Teenage Boy: “Where can I find naked pictures of that cute girl in my class?”
Teenage Girl: “How can I get in touch with that dreamy guy in that video?”
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